Ryan Key's Journal

1:56pm: Just don't call me emo
Beautiful

A broken heart is a beautiful thing.
Like blood on white snow,
the world stares, but noone dares look twice.
There is a sinister beauty that she commands
It is a terribly beautiful thing.

It is as black as a desert sky,
and nearly as lonely.
She slows so you can drink her in,
but the world doesn't stop.
She is an exquisitely bitter draught.

4:41pm: Occasionally i like to confirm this fact, but have been busy and have not had a chance. That being said, recent events have led me to take up the pen(or in this case keyboard) to reiterate a truth that if nothing else, can be relied on.


I, Ryan Key, am a tool.
That is all.

9:21pm: I am such a tool.
That is all.

2:30am: Here goes...
Been crazy, been stressed, been dissapointed, been depressed...
And since many many people have encouraged me to do this, here is a list of things that are undeniably good in my life.

U2
Phantom of the Opera(the musical, movie-review still pending)
Bill Murray
The heater next to me
Cold air(but with a heater next to me)
New Bose headphones
Borders 10% employee discount
World of Warcraft
Brian Wallerstein
My darling cat
Beleron, Derwydd, Cladhaire, and Tibor(don't ask, and in no paticular order)
My cousins(paticularly Kenny and Aneena)
The true implications of Christmas(for myself anyway)
My Aunt Robin and Uncle Mike
Phantom Planet's self-titled album
Coldplay when you're tired
Hamsterball(on miniclips.com)
A Perfect Circle's cover of "Imagine." In fact, the entire eMOTIVe CD
Miss Topping
The prospect of a new acoustic guitar and actually being able to play it
Parents being VERY accepting about good grades or lack thereof
My first real job(borders in Mission viejo, off Cabot. I work sun-wed roughly 11-6)
New CD's
Fencing on Weds(or rather, the prospect of, starting jan 5th)
Cheap thrills in new-age action-vampire movies(tho not so cheap... unless u matinee)
The drummer for A Perfect Circle(man that guys good)
...

I think thats it for now...
i guess i feel a little better;
wish i could fall asleep tho,
Merry Christmas to you all,
Good Night

Ryan

11:03pm: I wish Miss Topping was here...
She always made things better.

11:05pm: There's no crying in baseball
Many of you know i played baseball for many many years, 12 to be exact. And in that time, i almost always played... so i've stared down many pitchers and have had so many at bats i can hardly remember. In that time, i've hit 1 homerun, and three game winning RBI's (this is counting in the amount of time it actually mattered and the players were competant enough to make it a matter of skill). However, i have struck out probably more than 1/2 of the time. This may seem high, the reason it is so high, was because i was a cleanup hitter. That meant when i went to the plate, it was my job to send the ball soaring, so i had to swing big. And quite often, i missed big. Striking out that much is painful, you didn't even connect. There wasn't even a chance of success because you "didn't even start the race." But amongst strike outs, the most painful, were the ones you thought you would hit. Those times when you swung, and your eyes shut(no, i did not close my eyes while batting, but there is a point where you transcend consciousness and it becomes you and the ball), and you watch the ball soar over the fence in your minds eye... and you miss. Those always hurt the most... It gets to the point, where you don't want to swing, because dammit, at least you can complain that the pitch was a ball or something else. Just so you don't feel that heartache of the bat connecting with air. I just remembered that feeling, and it was everybit a painful as it was on the dust and grass. I closed my eyes and saw the ball fly far; only to wake up and whimper back to the dugout. See, everything makes sense when you put it in terms of baseball.

Don't look too deeply into this, you may hurt yourself.
- Ryan

11:28am: Some people go to college and find themselves, some lose what little they had.

9:46pm: Well, i had a whole rant and then lost it. Consider it a good thing.

12:31am: Short and to the point.
I would love to believe in humanity...
if it would only give me something to believe in.
Still constantly disapointed in the human condition,
Is it wrong to hate the symptom as much as the disease?
A real point is hidden in there.
Don't look too deeply,
you might hurt yourself.

El Fin
- Ryan

7:27pm: A brief history of the world(new song?)
The world began in fire
Wild and out of control.
Noone knew what was going on
'till the fire took its toll
And that fire and us will never part.
It will live beyond our days
Raging in our heart.

The world was carved by water,
Forever a changing tide.
And it wore away forever,
Those who did not accept the ride
And that water will live after we are dead
Ebbing back and forth
Swirling in our head

The World will end in steel,
Cold and without remorse.
It will cut the world to pieces
Fufilling natures course.
And to fight it is to fight the sand
For it will not be alone
Wielded in our hand

Don't think about it too hard, you'll hurt yourself.

10:49am: And life rolls on, like night giving way to dawn...
This has been a long long week...
1) Lacrosse is going poorly... i am the weakest, the slowest, and the least experianced... I come home everyday and i hurt... but not just my legs and chest. My soul hurts... i hate myself for my weakness, i hate myself for my inability, i hate myself for being a burden.
2) Classes are going... alright. I think i am up to date, but there is a constant nagging feelings like i am going to realize how badly i screwed up, like i am living on borrowed time and am about to be repo'd.
3) The people... the people are nice, but i have a haunting feeling that i don't belong. I feel like... i don't know... like everything is in an incrediblly precarious balance... like if i breath out of step, everything will come crumbling down.
4) My stomach... not too many attacks perse, but as you can see, i've been on edge a lot, occasionally, if its after i've eatin' or something, i'll feel poorly, but as i said, no attacks.
5)My roomates a great guy, i think i like him a lot because he's so diffrent from me. Liberal, Muslim, born in India... hes a great guy.
6)A few unresolved issues have been getting at me... To some people, i never hated you; you just reminded me that i hated myself. To others, i love you with all my heart... but whether you know it or not, you're cutting me open with a butter knife. To others... you have always been so amazing to me... my greatest sadness, is that you are not here.
7) I have been waiting for years to take one class... World Religions. I am fascinated by religions, form a spiritual and an intellectual sense. And now that i am taking it, it never ceases to fascinate me. I am finding very little anwsers, but the questions i am being led to ask push my mind to places that i have wanted to go for years.
8) I love you all

-Ryan

7:58pm: I need a stomach-ostomy... *lies down

11:00pm: This baby's almost done...
The beautiful ones will leave you there,
Standing around with a stupid stare.
Leave you alone, and just not care,
Break your heart, and walk off on air

They’ll play with you until they’re done,
This game they have is too much fun
To care about others save #1
But it’ll be like looking into the sun

But you’re not pretty just like them
Toying around with all the men
This beauty you have, they cannot forge this
You are your own kind of gorgeous.

The smart ones know they’re better than you
And they’re sure you know it through and through
They’ll always let you know your number 2
And in a fight, that you’ll always lose.

They’ll spin you round and make your head hurt,
You to her is like Ernie to Burt
She’ll roast you alive till your bodies all burnt
It’s gonna be the hardest lesson you ever learnt.

But you’re not smart just like them
Owning them until the end
You have smarts like I’ve never seen this
You are your own kind of genius

3:43am: Even my stomach hates me... *growl

6:17pm: Ryan's Song for people!
OK... first, u need to look up the lyrics to actually grassp the depth, so, ya, azlyrics.com is a good site.

Ali Ross: Creep - Radiohead
Adi: The Good Times are killing me - Modest Mouse
Jeanette Tartaglini: Stellar - Inbubus
Allie Lobel: Do You Realize?? - Flaming Lips
Eric Mirowitz: Here In my Room - Incubus ;)
Kelly Lee: Poprocks And Coke - Green Day
Katherine Alser: I Miss You - Incubus
Corissa Converse: What You Are - Audioslave
Lance Ning: Nice Guys Finish Last - Green Day
Kelly Rose: Every Step You Take - The Police
Maggie Donnely: Roulette - System of a Down

8:12pm: Ryan Key's Playlist
I was looking at the Celebrity playlists on I-tunes and thought to myself, "hey! i'm just like a celebrity! I should have a playlist." Well, i wrote to I-Tunes and after months of them not replying i decided to post it up here. I encourage you to make your own playlist and post it. No genre restrictions; just 10 songs, and an explanation of why u love 'em. Here's mine, oh, and if u want a CD with these songs on it, just drop me a note.

1)Otherside - The Red Hot Chili Peppers
I think this is one of Anthony's best vocal performances, certainly his most soulful; that combined with john's stellar backup singing and guitar playing make for an amazing track.
2)Talk Show on Mute - Incubus
The melody on this track is excellent, Ben's bass is always present, but not demanding attention, while Mike's guitar is exceptional as always. All of this added to Brandon's always stellar(get it? stellar?) vocals makes for one of their best songs.
3)Say It Ain't So - Weezer
This song has the feeling of a bunch of friends hanging out in the garage, exactly what i think Weezer cultivates so well. River's down to earth vocals and guitar are superb and the songs overall tone and lyrics are deep and meaningful.
4)Roxanne - The Police
Nice and Funky. Sting shows off why he is the man. A meaningful, but fun song. Great Chorus.
5)Bukowski - Modest Mouse
A nice lazy song, with interesting back-up vocals to say the least. Great drums that keep a good beat with good use of a snare.
6)Hunting Bears - Radiohead
No vocals, entirely instermental song, but excellent guitar riffs. A testement to Radioheads instermental excellence.
7)Don't Think Twice, It's All Right - Bob Dylan
Bob Dylan Proves again and again why he is the greatest song writer of the 20th century if not beyond. Great guitar picking, combined with Bob's trademark harmonica make for a sublime song. Nice and mellow. Eric'll back me up on this.
8)Little Wing - Jimi Hendrix
This song always makes me sad there's not more to it. Kinda short, but absolutely incredible while its playing. Do I even need to say it has great guitar, but the drums back it up nicely. And some of Jimi's most soulful vocals to wrap everything up.
9)The Noose - A Perfect Circle
A relaxed, but incredibly powerful song. Maynard's vocals are at their best and it certainly does not lack the keen wit and powerful emotions that APC wears so well.
10)Guerilla Radio - Rage Against the Machine
The Pinical of RATM's award winning Battle of Los Angeles CD, this song combines everything great about RATM. Zach's blasting lyrics, Tom's unbelievable guitar effects, Tim's heavy bass, and Brad's insane drums - all combined with the overall outrage of the group leads to a track that practically defines them.

And thats the lot of it kids, i look forward to seeing what u throw down.
Cheers, Ryan

10:44pm: Alright kids, call me curious, call me bored, or call me whatever(tho thats not very creative) but i gonna do this lil three questions thingy. y'all know the drill. And i swear i will anwser ANYTHING u ask me. Go on, try me.
Cheers,
Ryan

6:36pm: I love it when my puppy chases his tail...
Adopting my new kitten tomorrow... what do ya'll think of Voltaire as the name(its a girl...) shes a tabby with a white tummy, send me more name ideas please

1:11am: It ends here... it ends now...
This ABSOLUTELY Needed to be posted now!
Recently, there has been much contention in my mind as to who my "favorite band" was.(Cuz said bands really give a shit) It was a grueling fight between Weezer, Incubus, Rage against the Machine, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. All of them had certain atributes that spoke to me. I love Weezers at times non-chalant and carefree, but at other times, serious and soul searchin style. I loved Incubus' nu-metal approach while maintaining its rock roots. I love Rage's non-abashed, political descent and raging bass. And i loved The chili peppers funk style, beautiful crafted with its haunting melodys. Well, there was much dissent in my brain. However, today(actually yesterday) I bought the Red Hot Chili Peppers live album, "Live in Hyde Park" and have since concluded that the Chili peppers are simply the masters. John's ever changing guitar fills, flea's simply amazing bass ability, Anthony's ever variable voice, and Chad's constant and imovable drums... they are simply Gods of Rock. So I announce, though Weezer, RATM, and Incubus will always have special spots in my heart, my alligance and utter admiration of the incredible band -
THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS

11:17pm: Maggie, me, and fish net stockings... hell ya

You Belong in which Broadway show? by marrymejohnny
Name/Username
Most recent show you were in
Year of that show:
You Belong in:
YOu will make:	$3,224,481
Your show will close:	January 1, 2020
Quiz created with MemeGen!

You know you'd go see it.

7:04pm: Disturbing Thoughts,
Disturbing Dreams
I'll be up in arrowhead friday(eve) through sunday.
Hopefully retrieving my sanity, probably not tho.

Incubus peeps, heres the dealio,
4:30 - meet at Cocos(on bristol)
5:30 - we roll
Eric is driving the women: Evan, Me, and Adi
Jon is driving his ho's - Kelly Lee, AD,and Allie
Please talk with ur selected chaperone(driver) if u need a ride home. They're pretty good guys, a few sexual favors should get u most the way there.

Cheers and Incubus,
Ryan

5:18pm: More to come
Favorite lyric from S.C.I.E.N.C.E

"I know exactly where we are... where the fuck are we?!"
well... and,
"If i had a dime, for everytime you walked away, then i would be filthy rich and could buy a drink and drown my day"

9:41pm: Full Song!!
I know, this is the third time i've posted today... so bite me

Here's is what i think the full song will look like -

More than a friend

And if you ever want to see me again/ then babe look into my eyes and tell me I’m more than a friend
For I will not stand by your side/ Right next to you, but still so far outside
And I’d sooner drown in your grace/ then watch you from afar and admit this is my place
For now I must go away/ and don’t you dare look at me and tell me to stay

*Chorus* Because I always am/ and I always was/ and I forever will be/ nothing more than a friend

And I look at all these other men/ and curse them for their happy ending
For they just strutted in their pride/ took you and the others for a ride
And I saw that look upon your face!/ And I saw through that disgrace!
For I saw the twisted games they play/ And I cannot listen to you say

*Chorus*

To me you’ll always be a little more than a… (to me you’ll always be a little more than a…)
To me you’ll always be a little more than a… (to me you’ll always be a little more than a…)
I know I’ll never be more than a friend!

And I look at all these other men/ blessed to be something more than a friend
And I see no possible end/ other than to live and die always a friend
And their so fake, the only pretend/ And you fall for it and call them more than a friend
And he never calls you till 12 AM/ And he still gets to be more than a friend
And he breaks your heart in ways that won’t mend/ All the while being more than a friend
And I hate how you always send/ me letters saying I’m such a good friend
And if you ever want to see me again!/ Then babe look at me, and tell me I’m more than a friend!

4:58pm: My Song - "More than a friend"
Hey Kids, kinda charged, so i was writing a song(actually wrote most of it at fashion island). The slashes denote breaks.


And if you ever want to see me again/ then babe look into my eyes and tell me I’m more than a friend

For I will not stand by your side/ Right next to you, but still so far outside

And I’d sooner drown in your grace/ then watch you from afar and admit this is my place

For now I must go away/ and don’t you dare look at me and tell me to stay

Because I always am/ and I always was/ and I forever will be/ nothing more than a friend


Tell me what u think(honestly please)

4:17pm: Alright kids, heres the Incubus list(sorry for non-incubus ppl but this was the easiest way to check)

AD, Adi, Allie, Colton, Eric, Kelly, Ryan(thats me!) and Rupert.


if u wanna check what our view looks like, go here,

http://www.arrowheadpond.com/seating_chart.cfm?displayPage=inc_seating_concert_end.cfm

and check out section 219.

Gimme a call if u need to cancel or have other problems, and i need 40 bucks from ya'll if u have a chance(35 for tics plus 5 dollar convienance)

cheers,
Ryan